They call every day a ‘new beginning’. It’s not necessarily true for me. On certain days with particularly low motivation and dearth of productivity, my week gets dragged on. I am constantly struggling to feel positive about the ‘tomorrow’. I try to believe when they say, ‘tomorrow will be better’. When deep down, I know it’s going to be the same. The f*ing same. I will wake up with a ‘to-do list’ that’s longer than my five feet stature-thinking somehow, I, a master procrastinator, will manage to complete all the tasks in 8 hours. Tasks, that I have piled on for months. Then, as the day drags on, I realize that this is a mammoth job. Just existing is a mammoth job. Just doing my work is a mammoth job. And I love mammoths, but they are-kind of, ‘a lot’.
Before I moved cities, I was a morning person. I used to wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning just to get a head start on studying. I guess, it is easy to be a morning person with a sunshine soul when everything is handed to you. You do want to wake up and conquer the world when the first cup of coffee isn’t a conscious effort on your part. When you don’t have to care about what your next meal is going to be in addition to the job that gets you the meal. But now, it’s the sleep that feels lovely. If I sleep a little more, I can procrastinate on the coffee. Then maybe after lunch, I can get to the literature that I have been thinking of reading for months now. And then maybe study for all my classes. All of them. Ugh. This does not end.
But then there are some days like today. Today-when a friend asked me to drop her at the subway station at 5 in the morning. I was almost glad that I had another purpose for waking up. This was for someone else. I couldn’t convince myself to snooze for another 5 minutes and end up waking after 2 hours. I had to go. And go I did.
I think I am falling in love with mornings again. The air is cleaner-smells almost sweeter. Even in this part of the globe. People are barely awake. The world has hit ‘factory reset’. It feels like your iPhone saying ‘Hello’ after you switch it on. The sun isn’t even up yet. Things would be fine. I just made my first cup of coffee with something they call ‘Vanillin Zucker’ here. My ‘to-do’ list would be fine. I know what my lunch will be, and I haven’t started working yet. But I would be fine.
Guess, I should convince my friend to leave the city more often.
–dss.